Big Bangâ€˜sÂ DaesungÂ finally broke his silence through an in-depth interview conducted by his church,Champyungan. Itâ€™s been difficult for anyone to get an interview since his scandal broke out, but his church managed to convince him after they said, â€œWe donâ€™t think interviews happen because people want them to happen. They will happen when God decides the timing is right.â€
Mulling over these words, Daesung agreed, saying â€œIâ€™ll do itâ€œ.
Check out his interview below:
CH:Â Itâ€™s been about a year since we last interviewed you. So many things have happened in that time; how are you holding up?
Daesung:Â I spend most of my time at church. I come when thereâ€™s work to be done on the weekdays, and when I meet with our Young Adult Group.
CH:Â Itâ€™s probably been a while since youâ€™ve spent so much time at church. How does it feel?
Daesung:Â Things were really hard after the accident. I thought to myself, â€˜If it werenâ€™t for my faith, I may have committed something truly horribleâ€™. After the hardest 3-4 days of my life, I decided I wanted to see our head pastor. I asked the youth leader if that would be okay, and he invited me to come. And when he saw me, he encouraged and comforted me. I felt a sense of peace in my heart, and after that, I started spending all my time at church. This was the only place that offered me comfort.
CH:Â What do you mean you might have committed something horrible if it wasnâ€™t for your faith?
Daesung:Â A lot of entertainers commit suicide, and now, I completely understand why. Iâ€™m not saying I was thinking about it, but if it werenâ€™t for my faith, I could have possibly gone down that road. So I was so thankful. I thanked the Lord that he had given me this faith. Every single comment I read online pierced my heart. What was most heartbreaking was that people were calling me a murderer. Every time I walked outside, I felt like people were looking at me like I was a murderer.
CH:Â Did you feel safe within the church?
Daesung:Â Honestly, yes. I wasnâ€™t really in a situation to be meeting and socializing with other people, but I felt comforted when I came here. When I stayed at the dormitory, I felt such anxiety and I wasnâ€™t able to eat anything. So I stayed at church. Every time I needed to work, I came here. The thoughts I would usually have working elsewhere did not torment me when I was at church.
CH:Â Even those who donâ€™t believe in God say that they feel a sense of peace come over them when they come to church. Why do you think that is?
Daesung:Â If youâ€™re a member of our church, you would understand why. In some ways, Iâ€™m more comfortable at church then I am at home. I read online that even non-Christians were supportive of me re-gaining my confidence as well as my life by spending time at church â€” it was really encouraging.
CH:Â How did you feel, those first 3-4 days?
Daesung:Â I couldnâ€™t go outside. I was so sorrowful, and I kept remembering what happened. My head was full of thoughts and the days just flew by.
CH:Â What kind of thoughts did you have?
Daesung:Â I was partially at fault, so I felt sincerely apologetic towards the individual. I prayed a lot. But even in my prayers, I would have reminders of that moment and I couldnâ€™t continue. My prayers werenâ€™t really prayers. I would simply repeat â€˜Iâ€™m sorry, Iâ€™m sorryâ€¦â€™ for 20 minutes, and then cry againâ€¦
CH:Â What were you sorry about?
Daesung:Â I was sorry about what had happened to him, I was apologetic towards my agency and the members, and I was afraid of how my actions would impact the church. Instead of our church being uplifted by my actions, it was about to face harsh criticisms because of what I did. I was just so completely sorry. I was sorry to my parents, as well as to his parentsâ€¦
CH:Â Didnâ€™t you attend his funeral a few days after the accident? Must not have been easy for you.
Daesung:Â It was hard. But I felt responsible, and I knew I needed to pay my respects. I was involved in what had happened, and it was something that had to be done. It was really hard to walk in, and I couldnâ€™t even look up to the faces of his family members. But the family members were kind enough to actually encourage and comfort me.
CH:Â What did they say?
Daesung:Â They were rightfully angry at first. But after we had a few conversations, they said that whatâ€™s happened has already come to pass, and since thereâ€™s nothing we can do about it now, they told me to work hard and they would like to see me get back on my feet. The individualâ€™s parents are ill, and so his aunt spoke to me on their behalf. She was a Christian, she saw that I had a Bible in the back of my car, and she told me she wanted to pray and forgive.
CH:Â When people go through something tragic, they usually wonder why bad things happen to them.
Daesung:Â At the time, I was so bewildered that I couldnâ€™t find room to search for answers to my many questions. After some time passed and things got more settled, the thought did cross my mind.
Ironically though, at that time our main chapel and the Youth Group chapel were under reconstruction, so it became a chance for me to rebuild my own faith as well. I was thankful to God, as I realized he was giving me time to reflect on my faith.
CH:Â What kinds of things did you think about as you helped repair the church?
Daesung:Â This is the first time I ever did this sort of work in church. I became really attached to our church as I worked on and for it. After it was all said and done, I was so thankful to be able to worship God in such a beautiful building.
In all honesty, I thought they would be calling in professionals when they announced that the church would be undergoing repairs. But they didnâ€™t, and the pastor as well the deacons and elders in the church came out to help out with what they could. There was no way us young people could stand by and watch, so we helped out too.
It was a good distraction for me during that one-and-a-half months. I didnâ€™t think about the accident during that time. I knew that God would be pleased in my actions, and that all things would come together for the good of those who love Him.
CH:Â Youâ€™re a celebrity thatâ€™s used to the limelight and attracting attention. But its been months since youâ€™ve been in the public eye. Donâ€™t you feel like you want to get back out there?
Daesung:Â I definitely want to sing, but I still donâ€™t have enough confidence to stand before my fans as cheerfully as I once did. I still like being at church the best. Iâ€™m only here and at home, but I like it that way.
CH:Â Is your calling a little different now than it was before?
Daesung:Â I had the time to look over my faith and confirm in my heart what my dreams are. God has given me the talent to sing and to praise Him with my voice, and I want to use it to bring him glory. There are a lot of people in the industry who donâ€™t know Christ who I can reach out to. I want to take advantage of that.
CH:Â Do you feel the members of our church have changed after your accident?
Daesung:Â Yes. Before, they would greet me so welcomingly, but now I feel like within their smile, they want me to know they understand my situation. They want to encourage and support me. They tell me theyâ€™ve been praying for me a lot. I donâ€™t know if itâ€™s just me, but I feel even more loved than I did before.
CH:Â A lot of congregation members have probably prayed for you. Prayer is a powerful thing, and all those prayers combined were probably a big source of strength for you.
Daesung:Â I think thatâ€™s the reason why I felt so comfortable in church, because theyâ€™ve prayed so much for me. I donâ€™t know if I would have felt the same without their prayers. Perhaps I would have found a different haven to rest my thoughts. I know when I see the members that theyâ€™ve been praying so passionately for me â€” it made me realize the power of prayer.
CH:Â Those without faith believe that we find peace in our hearts in the search for God, and that He does not actually exist. Did you really feel that God was alive and helping you in your situation?
Daesung:Â Yes, a lot. Even when the jury ruled that I was innocent, that was obviously God working on my behalf. I was ready to accept whatever outcome I was faced with, but everything worked out OK. I knew that God stirred the hearts of the citizens in the jury.
CH:Â You seem like a completely different person from the Daesung we interviewed last year. Is there a particular hymn or Bible verse that comes to mind when things get hard for you?
Daesung:Â Hymn number 365. The lyrics â€œGet up with confidenceâ€ particularly resonates with me. I realize I want to get on my feet again.
CH:Â What did your parents say when you were going through your difficult time?
Daesung:Â They told me not to worry, and that I should start with Bible Study. Those first few days, I locked myself in my room. My mom came to visit and I got angry, raising my voice towards her, telling her I didnâ€™t want to see anyone. She put up with all of that, and has been my source of strength to this day. Iâ€™m always sorrowful towards her, and so thankful that I have her in my life. I donâ€™t even tell her how grateful I am for her, because I canâ€™t express my emotions well.
CH:Â You recently brought fellow memberÂ G-DragonÂ to church. How did that come about?
Daesung:Â There was nothing I did in particular. He knows that I practically live at church and one day he had told my manager hyung that he wanted to come to our church. G-Dragon hyung belongs to a church himself, but hasnâ€™t gone in quite awhile. I told him to come whenever and that he would always be welcome. But then I began to worry. How would I be able to create a comfortable experience for him? I never thought to pray for him to attend our church, but I prayed that by coming here, he would also experience the same comfort and peace.
CH:Â Are the two of you close?
Daesung:Â All of us members are close, but with hyung being the leader and all, heâ€™s more understanding of me.
CH:Â Why do you think G-Dragon wanted to come to your church?
Daesung:Â I donâ€™t know, I didnâ€™t ask. Maybe he was curious about the church I was spending all my time at. One of the songwriters at our label also attends church here as well, so maybe he had some kind of influence on G-Dragonâ€™s decision.
The day he came, there was so much going on everywhere with repairs. I apologized, telling him that we were doing some construction, and he told me it was okay. When we walked into the building, he saw the status of constructions and more construction signs as we walked up the stairs. He laughed and said he didnâ€™t realize it would be to this extent.
The hymn we sang that day was â€œI love my Jesusâ€, and he remarked that he liked the hymn and he seemed to enjoy the experience. The senior pastor gave his sermon, and when he saw that I was busily taking notes, he remarked that he couldnâ€™t really hear, and I began forwarding the message to him, as if I was translating. He said he really enjoyed the message. He came back the next week to meet our senior pastor and on our way home, I asked him what he thought and he said his eyes met the pastorâ€™s and it was like the pastor knew what he was going through. He liked it.
CH:Â What do you pray about these days?
Daesung:Â I have been spiritually blessed through Bible Study, and I know that I will experience a blessing that Iâ€™ll soon see with my eyes. I ask the Lord to continue to change me so that I may be of use to his Kingdom. I pray that I will never lose this faith, this state of mind that I have right now. I pray that I will continue my walk with God, and never experience something this difficult to wake me up to the truth. I also pray that I will be blessed in my work, and that I will be able to sing with confidence and press on.
CH:Â There are three months left of this year. How will you be spending your time?
Daesung:Â I plan on taking a break for the rest of the year. Iâ€™m a singer and my work is with music, but for the time being and for the rest of the year, I want to focus on church and the Youth Group.
Iâ€™m so glad that I am able to serve the church in so many different ways, and I pray that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way, that I will be a living testimony. When I go up to the main chapel, I laugh to myself thinking about how I used to come in hiding my face. No one here considers me a celebrity. I am just another oppa, a dongseng, and a friend.
CH:Â Anything you want to say in closing?
Daesung:Â When you asked to do an interview, I thought a lot about the interview from last year. I thought about the answers I gave, and I felt so embarrassed. If I didnâ€™t go through this trial, and didnâ€™t have this difficult time in my life, I may have been going to church with the same mindset and the same shallow faith. Iâ€™m so thankful for the change.